In the past, I was able to avoid reporting for jury duty due to work obligations. However, recently the law caught up with me and I had no reason to refuse my civic duty. I showed up at the appointed day, time, and location and quickly learned I was now an extra in the reality show called Juror #2836659.
When called to jury duty, most people bring a book or phone to keep them busy while waiting. However, possessing books and phones should be a crime as they will distract you from the main event; Extreme People Watching. You’ll also miss a review of some life lessons we all mastered in Kindergarten.
Herein lies a review from Kinder-Jury Duty:
Listen and do
Your teacher had patience when you asked a question that she had just answered. The bailiff, not so much. Perhaps the first thing learned in school is to listen and follow directions, plain and simple. At jury duty, when instructions are given to sit and wait for your name to be called for your jury room location, don’t raise your hand in the middle of the role call and ask where you should go. Side note: kudos for raising your hand before speaking
Use your inside voice
One of the first rules learned in school is to use your inside voice. When mobile phones were invented, that rule went straight out the window. I now have a choice to go to the RoundUp at 5 for a drink, take a load-off on Ruby’s couch, floor it to pick up someone else’s kid, or participate in the swearing contest that is happening this instant.
A very important phone number has been announced; five one oh three five oh six two two seven. I’m sure I have it right because it was uttered several times. I plan to share that number with all of the telemarketers that call my house tonight.
The county employees should keep the inside voice rule in mind as well. Yu Cau is an unfortunate name to be called aloud during roll call, especially when the person isn’t in the room so it bears repeating loudly while casting looks across the room.
Sit, stand and walk properly
There is a lot of sitting around, hall standing and shuffling from room to courtroom to room. We are all here for the same reason, for the majority of the day. I have yet to find an excuse why pushing others aside and arriving at the courtroom door first, gives you an advantage. Incidentally, the woman noisily climbing the stairs in front of me wears a size 8 shoe. The bright green sticker on the bottom of her right shoe told me so.
Tell the truth
Typical Kinder-Jury Duty questions “What happened to Johnny’s finger?” OR “How long do you think the trial will last?” result in the same old falsehoods: “I didn’t do it” OR “I can’t come into work for the rest of the week for sure” (it’s Wednesday people, and she hasn’t even been selected to sit on a jury). “Oh, possibly the rest of the month, come to think of it.” How she can tell the future, I don’t know. I’m considering asking her for some advice on stocks.
Cover your mouth
The woman sitting behind me is remembering another school rule of “always share with others” only I don’t want what she shares. She has coughed on me, yes my neck is moist, for the last one and a half hours straight. In 23 hours I will have The Bubonic Plague.
Treat others the way you would like to be treated
I’m not perfect. I broke this rule. After spending several hours in this courthouse, I smiled to myself when a woman approached the bailiff and asked if she could have a hardship, while the rest of us were following directions and wrote our hardship request on the required form.
The day ended with me and numerous others being excused from service. As I left the courthouse I thought, how ironic that they call for a “recess” in court proceedings. Why have people forgotten the etiquette learned in Kindergarten? Perhaps everyone should serve on Jury Duty and be forced to review the laws of human decency.
Yes, yes, and yes, beyond a reasonable doubt.
I don’t recommend getting out of service. After all, look at the fun you’d miss! However, if you must, check out this Wikihow article on the subject of avoiding jury service.
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