I can’t fathom why. The other day, in reality, a month ago, I applied to be a contributing writer for Cards Against Humanity. The application process included submitting several black and white cards for their consideration. Since it was some time ago, and I’ve heard nothing, it’s safe to make an assumption.
They dozed off while reviewing my work.
These people pay by the hour. I likely hold the record, in The Guinness Book of World Records, for generating inappropriate thoughts in the shortest amount of time. I’ve never checked, but I am sure my name is there. My personal best is one, one-hundredth of a second. They should be chasing after me, begging me to join their team!
I’ve voiced these thoughts too. My friends sometimes pretend they don’t know me. Other times, they shake their heads and say “oh no you didn’t.” My grinned reply, “yeah, I did?”
I thought I was making some crass statements. Perhaps it wasn’t enough?
I’d rather not go into the details of a constipated Ewe. But, I went there for the sake of the job opportunity. Kudos to me for using colorful, and descriptive language.
I shared that a vat of warm mayonnaise, after a long night of drinking, makes me want to vomit. Did the judging committee disagree? Should I have mentioned Miracle Whip instead?
I have political opinions but shy away from a debate, so I rarely state them aloud. Black and white cards could be the perfect place to share my views incognito, I thought. I mean, I have plenty of material. On a daily basis, I look down, and political phrases fall out of my head in rapid succession. I have to kneel and gather them up before someone knows these partisan thoughts are mine. Cards Against Humanity may be like me; choose the safe route, and keep their political leanings to their corporate selves. I get it.
Were my black card, fill-in-the-blank statements, dull?
“I want to stick needles in my eyes because my in-laws are coming for dinner. As solace for my grief, I decided to whip up _________.” Who doesn’t want to hear a creative, noteworthy end of this sentence? If not to get ideas for their next hosting event.
I create random descriptive nouns (white cards) in my sleep. Maybe they already had enough options?
White cards have words/phrases that are adaptable in completing many fill-in-the-blank statements. I would cackle at receiving a white card that read “viagra addicted dwarves.” I could use this phrase to complete several sentences such as “What did I bring back from Mexico?” or “Bisquick has created a new shortcake product that needs naming. What should they call it?”
Cards Against Humanity is missing out on some great material, I tell you. Now that I’ve said my piece, I’ll hang out and wait until Apples to Apples is hiring.
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