My puppy Rosie, digs, steals, rearranges, fleeces, and chews items. We just realized that she worked her way through the entire alphabet. I’m so proud of my girl. Follow along, kids.
- A is for ACORNS that rained from the trees this wet winter. So many that she puked piles of them on occasion.
- B is for BOTTLE. Ironically it is the bottle of “no chew spray” for puppies.
- C is for the CHIVES plant leftover from my garden.
- D is for the DROPPED puzzle pieces on the floor that appear as tasty snacks at my parent’s house.
- E is for the EXTENSION CORD, no longer reachable for any four-legged friend or foe.
- F is for the FENCING, the green, temporary variety installed to keep Rosie away from the already chomped pool equipment.
- G is for GLASSES. My readers went missing. We found the half-chewed plastic remains, including a portion of the lenses.
- H is for my favorite Lake Girl HAT. I temporarily put it behind the back cushion of the couch, when I left the room. She broke a world record, taking 10-15 minutes to devour it. H is for HMMM too.
- I is for ICE. We give it to her in hopes that the teething will subside.
- J is for JASMINE, the Chilean, 5-gallon variety. It was in bloom last summer, with beautiful white flowers and Bob, the bumble bee, pollinating it. Rosie would run by grabbing a leaf mid-air, making us laugh. Today, while everything else is in bloom, this mammoth plant still hangs on to the trellis, dead as a doornail, while Rosie chooses a different branch she can pull from the root every morning.
- K is for KLEPTOMANIAC. Why are we cataloging everything stolen and ruined? Not sure.
- L is for the LIST I wrote for a Facetime call with my daughter. When I found it, Rosie had only eaten the parts of the paper with words on it. I then cursed her with getting paper cuts when she pooped.
- M is for the MULTITUDE OF HOLES popping up throughout the yard. We’ve learned that putting poop in the hole stops her from digging. A side effect is it encourages her to start a new project right next to the old one.
- N is for the NASTY remains of the drip system that was hanging out of her back end that I had to pull out with a paper towel. Oh, joy.
- O is for the OUTDOOR PILLOWS, left untouched until we had guests over.
- P is for PATTY THE PYGMY PALM. She had an uplight shining on her at night. The better for my puppy to chew on her 24 hours a day. Patty and the wiring for the light have both perished. Should I mention that P is also for PUKE? She frequently does that.
- Q is for QUIETLY knawing on the leg of the dining room table while I was on a conference call.
- R is for ROCKS. The hand-painted kind that I so precisely crafted and placed in my garden. Alternative: R is for the REBAR mysteriously left over and found from pool construction eight years ago.
- S is for SOCKS — An extreme assortment of appetizers, always from a different pair.
- T is for TENNIS BALLS. You’d think that retrieving said ball would be the object. No, chewing off its fuzz is way better.
- U is for the UMPTEENTH time I’ve said, “Drop it, leave it,” or asked, “What are you chewing on?”
- V is for VACATION PLANT FEEDERS. These are glass, brightly colored, and perfect for curious puppies to hold in their mouths not so delicately. Bonus points if you pretend it’s a game.
- W is for WATERGUN — the styrofoam pool weapon found in a pile of leaves and dirt.
- X is for my husband’s name if he suggests we get another puppy.
- Y is for YIPPEE. This murderous alphabet is almost complete.
- Z is for ZOOMIES after getting away with said robbery, nibbling, and undoing.
I’d say THE END, but I am afraid there is no end in sight. I literally and figuratively can’t see the end. Remember, Rosie ate my glasses.
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