We’ve all seen them, the older couples in Las Vegas donning matching sweatsuits, slowly making their way through the casino. It is likely you hear them before you see them, as the outfits make a swishing noise with movement. This couples uniform calls for long dark elastic-wasted nylon pants, most likely navy blue, with stripes down the outside of each leg. These pants offer the ability to rest up high past the bellybutton if needed. The top portion of the outfit includes a white t-shirt for both participants. The outer layer comes in a zip-up jacket in the same color and material as the pants, with or without stripes. Most couples pair this outfit with white running shoes; only there is to be no running.
I love my hubby, but unless we are cheering for the same team, and they are about to win the Superbowl, World Series, NBA Championships or World Cup, I don’t want to wear identical clothing to him. Ever.
For me, when selecting an outfit of any kind, there are three necessities: cute and comfortable shoes, sports or fashion/incognito sunglasses, and a cross-body purse. My husband’s requirement is wearing shorts. That’s it. Shorts, no matter where he is going and no matter what the weather. We have yet to purchase or wear matching outfits, nor will we ever if I can help it.
Kids, if in the future, I have somehow lost my mind and come home with some matchy-matchy numbers that we are to wear out in public, please burn them and tell me I must have misplaced them.
Here are four signs you might be moving towards a couples uniform of some sort, and how to avoid it.
1. YOUR SPOUSE HAS TAKEN AN INTEREST IN GARANIMALS
Remember the Garanimals brand from childhood? It was supposed to help toddlers put together coordinated outfits by matching the animal tag from the pants to the animal tag on the shirt. Some guys could care less what they wear as long as it answers in the affirmative for three questions:
-Will this pass for work?
-Can I also wear it when I golf?
-This does match, doesn’t it?
If you’ve got a guy who has mentioned “Garanimals” and “adult-sized” in the same sentence, run, don’t walk, to your nearest store to pick something out for him. Bonus points for ensuring his clothing does not match anything you own.
2. YOUR EYESIGHT IS GOING
Let’s say you’ve been having trouble recognizing acquaintances in public spaces. The lighting isn’t right, it’s noisy and crowded, making you frazzled. To avoid losing sight of your spouse altogether, you may start thinking that matching sweatsuits is a good idea, especially on vacation or in crowded areas. If you say, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else” more often than not, your candidacy for a couples outfit is on the horizon.
Get some glasses, STAT.
3. YOU ARE A LEGGINGS ADDICT
If you are a WAHM or SAHM, you’ll agree that it is so EASY to spend the day in your leggings. Day-jammies, workout wear, a second skin, call them what you will, leggings are incredibly comfortable and versatile. On some days, leggings have taken me from working out to conference-call to dog walk to submitting an invoice to grocery shopping to school pickup to home. I’ll squeeze a shower in between school pickup and bus driving duty for my kids. I am currently weaning myself off of all-day legging wear. It was getting to the point of dependency.
If this is all sounding familiar, please be forewarned: leggings are the gateway drug to a full-on sweatsuit. You don’t want to go there; switch it up and fast! Shower immediately following the workout in the AM, and dress in some jeans, please.
4. THE HOLIDAY CARD PHOTO IS TOP OF MIND-ALL YEAR LONG
Do you buy the family matching swimsuits with the holiday card in mind? On vacations, have you intentionally packed denim or all white outfits for every family member, just in case you stumble upon the perfect photo opp? Do you schedule the family’s Fall haircuts in May?
If you answered yes, to any of the above holiday card photo questions, let’s chat. I’d either like to A: know how you are so organized or B: suggest you live your life now, worry about the photo in early December, like the rest of us.
A couples outfit can sneak up on you when you aren’t paying attention. Take the warning signs to heart, no doubt; there are many more signs that we have yet to recognize. Keep your head up and your eyes open, people. We’ll get through this together.
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